your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
