and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
