I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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