Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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