Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
