Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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