Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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