LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize