She is in my trunk
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
