so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
