why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I want to fling myself into the sun
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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