.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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