Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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