saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
