I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
