I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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