dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just gift wrapped bread.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm bleeding and have questions
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
