apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
