I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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