the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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