All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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