Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
50% drunk capacity currently
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize