so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
