please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am spending my child support on dildos
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
