I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
