piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
