You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
