Apparently you make a good broom.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
