my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
