Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
