Kiss
Puke
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
