Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
