I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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