so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
