ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
