i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i love accidental penises.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize