Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she told me i tasted like america
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
