Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
