Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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