i just sent this text using only my big toe
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she smelled like a LAN party
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize