I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
