the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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