Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
