Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
one two three fourrrrnication!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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