but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
