My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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