Jerry, you need to find god
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
