Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
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he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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