please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
