Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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