hell yes lets make some ravioli
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Enjoy the penises
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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