Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
