absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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