So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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