I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
