i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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