I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize