I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
