Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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