i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
