We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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