Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
