I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
