chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize