i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
