cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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