Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
