She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
