Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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