i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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