Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you would pick up someone in the library
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
